the heart can't endure a fate harsher than love.
love is blind
love is foolish
love is chaos.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Thursday, July 18, 2013
i didn't do it just to hurt you.
i'm not a high school kid seeking revenge. causing pain for the sake of causing pain is not what i was taught to do.
you asked me what it would achieve by making you cut her off like that. i'm teaching you what it's like to be me. you said you'd "step into my shoes BUT... etc." no, this time you're getting a taste of it first hand.
talking to you and explaining how upset i am every time you do the things you do isn't enough. words go right through you. you can comfort me all you want and say you're sorry, but you've NEVER understood the physical and emotional pain i feel on a continuous basis because of you. i've put up with it time and time again, and even after i broke up with you, i went back to you. now you say that you care about me, and i want to believe it. but i will not tolerate your actions anymore, and you should be glad i made you cut her off. i gave you the benefit of a doubt. i believed you could bring yourself to do it... to show me that you CAN do it, and to prove me wrong since i always believed you held her above myself. now that you've done it, you've began building a bridge. i now know i'm worth something to you, and that you're not just words and excuses.
those were all a side effect that reassured me that you do in fact, hold me to some importance.
the reason why i did it is to flip the picture around so that you can see what i go through every time you hurt me; so you can feel and experience it first hand and understand what my words and cries have been trying to tell you all along.
the pain and frustration you feel? yes, it's inside of me when i see you hanging on her every word, asking her to hang out time and time again even though you know she won't say yes.
the emptiness from cutting her off? what it's like when you single her out by making that black and white collage dedicated solely to her. THEN trying to hide it from me.
the way you said "bye" and hung up on me? what i do every single time you upset me.
The desire i know you feel right now to reconnect with her? irresistible.
there are so many negative thoughts and a lot of anger inside of you. i hope you understand to some degree that this is what you do to me. that it is not ok to be the cause of someone's constant unhappiness.
i just want to be happy with you. i've never had it for long before you went chasing after her again. maybe now that we have some time, we can actually go somewhere with whatever connection you and i have. don't take this lightly. this is our chance to move forward without me looking over my shoulder every two seconds. i believe you won't let me down. prove me right.
the second reason i did it was for myself. i need this more than you know it. i need an empty block in time with just you and i. i've been fighting anxiety every time i'm with you, and it almost pushed me off the edge. i'd always tell myself that whatever happiness i feel won't last for long. why? because it never has. not as long as i saw you trying to talk to her, in a way that always came off as more than friends. (even if that wasn't your intention, that's how it always came off. and it sucked that a good day with you ended in you thinking of her.) this time, i want to have a go with you without seeing you go after her. this time i want things to be different-things to be right.
i'm not a high school kid seeking revenge. causing pain for the sake of causing pain is not what i was taught to do.
you asked me what it would achieve by making you cut her off like that. i'm teaching you what it's like to be me. you said you'd "step into my shoes BUT... etc." no, this time you're getting a taste of it first hand.
talking to you and explaining how upset i am every time you do the things you do isn't enough. words go right through you. you can comfort me all you want and say you're sorry, but you've NEVER understood the physical and emotional pain i feel on a continuous basis because of you. i've put up with it time and time again, and even after i broke up with you, i went back to you. now you say that you care about me, and i want to believe it. but i will not tolerate your actions anymore, and you should be glad i made you cut her off. i gave you the benefit of a doubt. i believed you could bring yourself to do it... to show me that you CAN do it, and to prove me wrong since i always believed you held her above myself. now that you've done it, you've began building a bridge. i now know i'm worth something to you, and that you're not just words and excuses.
those were all a side effect that reassured me that you do in fact, hold me to some importance.
the reason why i did it is to flip the picture around so that you can see what i go through every time you hurt me; so you can feel and experience it first hand and understand what my words and cries have been trying to tell you all along.
the pain and frustration you feel? yes, it's inside of me when i see you hanging on her every word, asking her to hang out time and time again even though you know she won't say yes.
the emptiness from cutting her off? what it's like when you single her out by making that black and white collage dedicated solely to her. THEN trying to hide it from me.
the way you said "bye" and hung up on me? what i do every single time you upset me.
The desire i know you feel right now to reconnect with her? irresistible.
there are so many negative thoughts and a lot of anger inside of you. i hope you understand to some degree that this is what you do to me. that it is not ok to be the cause of someone's constant unhappiness.
i just want to be happy with you. i've never had it for long before you went chasing after her again. maybe now that we have some time, we can actually go somewhere with whatever connection you and i have. don't take this lightly. this is our chance to move forward without me looking over my shoulder every two seconds. i believe you won't let me down. prove me right.
the second reason i did it was for myself. i need this more than you know it. i need an empty block in time with just you and i. i've been fighting anxiety every time i'm with you, and it almost pushed me off the edge. i'd always tell myself that whatever happiness i feel won't last for long. why? because it never has. not as long as i saw you trying to talk to her, in a way that always came off as more than friends. (even if that wasn't your intention, that's how it always came off. and it sucked that a good day with you ended in you thinking of her.) this time, i want to have a go with you without seeing you go after her. this time i want things to be different-things to be right.
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